Don't See in Here

In a sad, desperate search for entertaining profile content, I turned to the “fun stuff” folder in my browser bookmarks. The anagram generator! Yeah, that’s the ticket! Dare I dream that the letters of my full name, rearranged, would hold the key to my universe?
Yes and no. I confined the generator’s output parameters to [...]

In an Internet recipe for beef Stroganoff, ingredients include: “1 bag Extra-Wide Egg Noodles (found in pasta aisle).” The directions remind us, “wide egg noodles (the kind that is with the spaghetti, linguini etc in the supermarket).”
Did I miss a memo? Is there a nationwide noodle-locating crisis?

“Who are these people,” I said. “I can understand not wanting cats on the kitchen counters. But who are these people who go into hazmat mode with the bleach solution and the rubber gloves, the instant kitty jumps down? What, are they mixing the meat loaf on the counter? Have they heard of bowls? Cutting [...]

I was 22 and living in the Connecticut ‘burbs, having put my doomed engagement out of its misery and hightailed it home to Mom. She answered the phone one morning–way early one morning–and rushed to my room to say the U.K. was calling. For me.

Obviously I had to put my contacts in before I came [...]

[hubby, in italics:] It’s between the spaghetti and the tuna.
[me:] Mm-kay.
We don’t have any cheese, do we?
We have shredded cheese….
Yabbut I meant, you know, something that melts.
Shredded cheese melts!
Could you make, like, a tuna melt?
Someone could, yes :> Yeah, I could do that.  Kind of, a grilled cheese with tuna.  Sure.
Oh.
Not grilled [...]